In my Dirty Hospital Johnny

Ever find yourself in a strange country wearing nothing but...you got it!  A hospital gown, or, as is known in New England, a "Johnny".  Dear friends and other interested readers, you just cannot beat my luck.  I went though a lot of "stuff" for past 18 months to be able to be here, enjoy the view, and spend time with friends.

I have a funny way of having a good time.  Firstly, as you will all know, I have not been sleeping much, due to being in unfamiliar surroundings, as well as incurring a lengthy phase of Jet Lag.  That wasn't bad enough...I had to get sick on top of that and end up in the hospital!

Saturday afternoon my stomach started its usual flaring of something or other, so I took some simethicone and partook of some sparkly substance to make myself burp. (This is not delicate, so I won't paint it that way)

By the evening I was in so much agony I was MOANING.  I don't recall ever doing that before. There was a fire raging in my stomach...a churning, burning, river of firey juices that were spewing like Mt. St. Helen's. This was also accompanied by sweating, chills, and vomiting. I was supposed to go with my friends on Sunday to put up our exhibition, but e-mailed and told them not to count on me.

After several attempts to contact me by e-mail (I don't have a phone...MISTAKE!) Daniela became worried and came over with her daughter Sonya, to check on me.  It was about 8 in the evening at this point, so I had been in agony for about 5 hours. It was not pretty, what they found.

They called the paramedics and they came almost immediately (I think this was because of a promised bribe) and whisked me away to the best hospital in Bucharest.  Yes, dear friends, the best. (Remember these words) After laying out 100 Lei for the driver and his assistant (about 16.30/each) they screamed up the street with me MOANING in the back.

What happened next was a whirlwind. The doctors took me inside right away (this is very unusual by Romanian standards...) and the doctors gave me a sonogram (I think this is what it is called) and discovered I had an  Peptic Ulcer, which they at first thought had perforated. God Forbid! Surgery...in Romania?  I had not seen the hospital as yet, due to all my moaning and groaning, but my thinking was actually quite clear in retrospect.

They gave me a pain killer and a beautiful little haze swept over me and the pain was instantly gone. I had a wonderful doctor taking care of me.  So sweet and kind, and genuinely concerned.  His command of English was very good as well, so I was grateful not to need a translator.

I was promptly told I would remain in the hospital overnight for observation. They were not sure if the Ulcer had perforated so they wanted to make sure I wasn't secreting nasty stuff into my stomach. But, to be on the safe side, I had a (Oh, Joy!) tube stuck up my nose and down into my stomach, which I proceeded to gag on for the next 17 or so hours.

Daniela and Sonya were with me on my trip to the "room" I would be spending the night in.  Judging from the looks on their faces, it was not going to be the Park Plaza Suites. I was wheeled into a ward...like they used to have in American hospitals when my mom was a young nurse.  It was not filled with 70 people, thank goodness, but there were 11 beds, and most were filled with moaning and snoring women and MEN.  HO! HO! THAT was certainly a surprise.  It was scary dark in there, a funny smell was pervading my nostrils, and I didn't hear a word of English. I was grateful that the pain was gone, but I really wasn't ready for this type of hospitality.

After paying out some more bribes, Daniela assured me that a particular nurse would administer me some sleeping medicine, so I could say good-night and be none the wiser. I never saw any medicine.  In fact, I don't think any of the patients were given anything to sleep OR for pain, judging from the amount of moaning. Well, needless to say, I had yet another sleepless night. It was surreal.  Trying not to gag/throw up from the tube in my throat, listening to moans and snores and oinks in the dark, not seeing who was near me, and listening to the night nurses speaking Romanian. One thing that was comforting, was the sounds of an American pop music CD at the nurses station.

SO here I was, in my spiffy hospital Johnny, Daniela has said good night and off she goes with my clothes, my keys, my passport, and my money. I-AM-TRAPPED.  Bleah. I can't explain the strangeness of this situation. You had to be there.  I just have no words.  I am feeling very alone and sad at this point, but decided to focus on getting better...on how this all would pass and I was lucky Daniela came when she did and helped me.  Also, the fact that the pain in my gut was gone was an immense relief, I cannot tell you!

Now I would like to explain a few of the things that made my hospital stay very special.  I say special because up until now I didn't realize how lucky we had it in America.  YES!  I, who do not have health insurance...and have not had it for many years due to the cost, must tell you that even a little clinic like "Thundermist" in RI is 1000 times nicer that this "Best " hospital in Bucharest. I cannot believe that Romanian people have to put up with this stuff...or any people for that matter.  Romania is becoming more Westernized everyday, but they lack so much in basic necessities! They pay a 27% sales tax on food for this?  Criminy!!!!

Okay, so here is my list of "You won't believe it but..."

*The nurses clean only the women, and they do it out in the open in front of the men patients.
*The men's family takes care of their needs...bathing, shaving, etc.
*Family members bring all the necessities...including...are you ready?  Toilet paper, towels, food and cutlery, mugs/drinking vessels, SOAP! (NO SOAP IN THE HOSPITAL@!!!^^&^@#)
*Blood on the floor.
*My blood spilled into an expectorant basin and left next to my bed until an hour before I left the hospital.
*Used surgical stuff on the floor..including bloody bandages and used IV needles.
*Communal toilet that did not flush.  I had to ask how to do this...it was broken.
*NO SOAP NO SOAP NO SOAP NO SOAP.............
*No toilet paper but they did have some paper towels which promptly ran out and was never again filled.
*DIRTY DIRTY DIRTY DIRTY DIRTY........................
*The nurses slept in the empty beds at night.
*Bribery or "gifts" gladly taken in the form of money or chocolate greatly appreciated for the underpaid staff.
I understand that nurses make only $167/month, so I sort of  understand this system, a little.  I understand tipping AFTER the service, however, not before. (This was funny because Daniela thought I was crazy tipping a waitress!)
*Dirty Johnny...I was spattered in my own blood and stomach juices and no one offered a new gown)
I didn't dare ask...Daniela had all my money and I ran out of "Gifts".
*20 minutes = 2 hours
*The doctors figure out your bill.  (HUH?)
*Did I mention the smell?
*NO one gets food or drink unless your family brings it (Thank goodness for good friends like my Daniel...he brought me toilet paper, a mug, some water and other stuff. Oh yeah..he brought me a phone with the American Embassy dialed into it...just in case....
*DIRTY DIRTY DIRTY...oh yeah, I mentioned that...

The young man across the aisle from me was of the Roma people. (Gypsy, as they are called here, which I have learned is actually a derogatory word).  He was a nice young man but with a loud, pushy, over-bearing mother who refused to leave.  She was there every day, washing him, feeding him, and generally treating him as a child!  He must have been in his 20's! After her initial hovering, however, she would sit with him, and talked on the phone to someone else! And she did this incessantly! Finally someone told her to leave..she was disturbing everyone and there were some really sick patients there. Well, she left, but came back.  Promptly got kicked out again, and came back.  This went on the entire time I was in there. There was lots of yelling and heated posturings and it was...unreal. Just unreal. Other family members were of her same temperament.  Gees.  Go away and let the staff do their jobs, and the patients rest in peace already! I saw this family every time I turned around...even on my way out the door! I have a feeling I will see them again....

I spent 2 nights there. It was ghastly.  I have to say that everyone was overly kind to me, though. I cannot fault the staff for anything. They are underpaid and totally overwhelmed at times. When it was time to check out, we waited for hours! This is the "Soviet" bureaucracy that these people still put up with.  The corridors are a mad-house. There is no rhyme nor reason there, no waiting rooms, no "Take a Number" stations...nothing.  People all milling about trying to get information, pay a bill, whatever.  A madhouse!

One highlight of my stay: the cooing giant pigeons that were nesting outside the window.  They were like "love birds", I kid you not.  I have never before thought of pigeons as sweet,  but...look at my situation.  You'd think the same thing in my bed and my dirty Johnny.

SO, dear friends and interested others...that is the tale of my hospital stay.  Tonight is the opening to our exhibition and I hope I have the strength to hang on.  After laying in a bed for 40 hours my legs are like noodles and they ache.  Oh, and in case I didn't mention it?  I feel much better, thank you.